TW: sexual violence
When I think of arms, I see my dad
The home, the warmth, the love and laughter…
Walking down the park while holding hands
I am small but big at the same time…
I hear the waves and you’re not there
My dad goes away…
I feel the rocks and the pain
Cause you are not there.
Then, there you are—the old guy…
You hold me up, you touch my mind…
You play, you eat, and sleep with me…
You take my liberties from me…
You tell me to spin as you comment on my body...
I still feel your arms and breath on my shoulders…
I hear your voice as you scratch my back.
Don’t be afraid, it’s just a one-night stand.
Here she grows up and builds the walls,
You can’t stay late cause you’ll see ghosts…
As time goes by, I forget the sleepless nights
Oh wait! But then there’s the other guy.
The bullet goes through my spine
You block my arms, my will of life
I feel your heartbeat when I cannot hear mine…
I see the light, is this the end?
You push me down, you crush my soul
I feel your arms inside my skin…
I try to shout… but all I hear is just your laugh…
And here I am, I hate myself…
I hate my skin, my moves, my life…
While you dance through life
All I can feel is the dark—
When will I be used again with those beautiful arms?
Written by Kotryna Daukšaitė.
Cover photo by Charly Gutmann.